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WEEKLY CINEMA, Johnny Depp is a freed Vampire, Jeff still lives at Home, Mel Gibson is a Gringo and don't go Swimming in Piranha 3DD

Friday, 11 May 2012

Hello, and welcome to the UK weekly cinema release post where I provide you with trailers for all the latest movies and an attempt at witty banter, as always feel free to join our conversation in the comments, and please share the post with your friends on both Twitter and Facebook via the links at the bottom of the article.

First up this week is yet another collaboration between Director Tim Burton and Actor Johnny Depp, the pair have worked together on no less than eight occasions and it seems that Burton has made that a bit of a running theme in their latest offering named Dark Shadows. The movie also stars Helena Bonham Carter who Burton has worked with seven times previously,  Christopher Lee who has now worked with Burton five times and this is Michelle Pfiffer’s second movie with the hit Director as she starred in 1992’s Batman Returns.

Dark Shadows starts it’s tale in the year 1752 with the Collins family setting sail from Liverpool for a new life in exciting and opportunistic America. Barnabas Collins (Johnny Depp) is just a kid when moved by his parents, but grows up to be a very successful business man and local playboy, it would seem though that all the money in the world can not help Barnabas as he makes the grave mistake of breaking his girlfriend Angelique Bouchard’s (Eva Green) heart. Angelique just happens to be a witch and turns him into a vampire before burying him alive. Barnabas is then awoken form his grave two centuries later in 1972 and finds his empire and estate crumbled whilst learning that his family have fared no better.

I’ll be honest I think Johnny Depp is brilliant but as for him and Tim Burton, well that’s just a little to strange for me. I think Edward Scissorhands may be their only collaboration that I’ve seen, I prefer Johnny in stuff like Donnie Brasco and Blow, but hey that’s just me
Fantasy movies are not really my thing, this will no doubt be a brilliant movie for its genre and will no doubt do very well in the box office.

Next up it’s the latest in what seems like a never ending stream of R-Rated comedies which star Ed Helms and Jason Segel, from Director Jay Duplass this is Jeff, Who Lives at Home, it’s a movie I’ve not really heard a lot about other than seeing the odd trailer here and there.

Jeff, Who Lives at Home focuses it’s attention on Jeff (Jason Segel) as you have probably guessed, he's a 30 year old guy who is still living at home in his parents basement. In the movie Jeff finally gets off his ass one day and goes to work with his brother Pat (Ed Helms) who is living alone following the breakdown of his marriage. Jeff finally discovers his destiny whilst working with his brother in order to track down his possibly adulterous wife.

Like I said above it’s not a movie I’ve heard a lot about, and I’m not really sure I’m all that excited about it. The movie actually premiered in November 2011 at the Toronto film festival and was only granted a limited US release, for me that speaks volumes and this may last the weekend before disappearing onto DVD.

Moving onto How I Spent My Summer Vacation now, no not me, Mel Gibson, he actually had quite an adventurous one which was spent in a Mexican prison filming this latest movie with Apocalypto Director Adrian Grunberg , the movie was originally titled Get The Gringo, I don’t know if it’s changed it’s name to How I spent My Summer Vacation in the states or not but that is how its being released in the UK.

There is very little I can say on the movie really, I heard about it when it was named Get The Gringo but that was a while ago, what I do know is that Mel Gibson plays Driver, a career criminal who ends up having to serve time in a Mexican prison, there he is helped by a nine year old boy who shows him how to survive the tough prison life.

Again like Jeff above this isn’t being treated to a massive cinema release and it has actually all ready been released on some Video on demand services, I don’t think it will be that bad of a movie but at the same time I don’t think it will be great either.

Last one to mention for you now, and it's probably one of the biggest jokes of a movie this year, in fact I think it's a sequel. Piranha 3DD swims onto your local cinema screen starring non other than David Hasselhoff, that pretty much sums up this movie really, The Hoff's in it, what more do you need to know, ok I'll give you a little more Piranha 3DD also stars Ving Rhames and Danielle Panabaker, yeah I've never heard of her either, I think she's the lady on the front of the poster (up top).

I suppose you want to know the plot? Well it rolls pretty much like a modern day Shark movie which would air on SyFy. Basically a new water park opens up called Big Wet, the "swim" also known as Piranha's (hungry ones) head up stream from the last movie and somehow get into the water park, the park gets full of people, mostly half naked women in bikini's who get attacked by the Piranha's, great right? Honestly you have to watch the trailer its hilarious.

I suppose you want to know what Hasselhoff is doing in Piranha 3DD? Well talk about living off the show which made you a star, yep you guessed it The Hoff is a lifeguard at the water park, and wait for it, he owns the company named Hoffwatch, this movie is going to be frickin awesome.
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