Movie Review: TED (2012) Starring Mark Wahlberg and Mila Kunis

People have been telling me for weeks now that I need to watch and review Ted as it’s one of the funniest movies they have ever seen. My brother and brother-in-law were almost telling me the script line for line when we were doing a house move (not mine, and no, that’s not what I do for a living, you have to help out family right?) last weekend. Also I have seen a lot of comments on Facebook with various friends of mine stating that Ted is the funniest movie they have ever seen. Critics have bigged it up whilst others have panned it. I posted the trailer some time ago now and wasn’t that interested due to the Seth MacFarlane factor. Now, please join me for what will be a very short (no pun intended Ted) write up on this absolute pile of shite.

Starring: Seth MacFarlane (Voice), Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, Giovanni Ribisi and Bill Smitrovich

The Plot

John Bennett (Wahlberg) is a lonely kid growing up in the 80’s with no friends, at Christmas he makes a wish on a falling star that his teddy bear named Teddy would come to life. Hey presto, wouldn’t you believe it? The next morning he wakes up and the two begin a beautiful friendship before scaring the crap out of John’s parents. Jump forward fifteen years or so and Teddy is now named Ted, a washed out celebrity phenomenon bear who loves nothing better than sitting getting stoned at 9am with his best friend John, not only does he like drugs he also partakes in copious amounts of alcohol consumption, loose women and pretty much anything else you can think of that’s bad for your health.

The Verdict

Mark Wahlberg is a pretty easy going guy, and I’d say that’s a pretty good job for this movie, Ted really does just go to show that Wahlberg clearly does not need the money anymore, and maybe he just likes to indulge in his crazy side every now and again. Whalberg is a great actor in my opinion, more the kick ass type I’ll admit but personally I really enjoy the movies he does like that, most recent of which would be Contraband. Quite why he offers to star in trash like this is beyond me if I’m honest.

Maybe it’s just age, I don’t know, now I’m in my 30’s I just found this comedy totally ridiculous. I’ve no doubt teenagers or people in their early twenties (my brother) will think that this trash is utterly hilarious, a bear who swears a lot, takes drugs and makes very derogatory sexual remarks towards women, there is no real story here not least that you can’t see coming anyway. John’s girlfriend wants Ted rid off and then ultimately wants him back in their lives, I know it’s not real but come on give me a break. Who would you rather have in your bed? A foul mouthed bear who is scared of thunder or Mila Kunis? It’s a difficult decision but I know which one I’d be choosing, and it ain’t the bear.

Quite often with movies these days they say if you have seen the trailer then you have seen the movie, and they are right. Most of the time these days most of the movies best bits are in the trailer, whilst the remaing almost two hours has very little to offer the audience. I can report that unsurprisingly Ted is one of those movies, drunken sexual jokes can only go so far and all you need to do is check out the Ted Red Band trailer and you will see every joke that this bear has to offer. I will admit that during my first viewing of the trailer I laughed, even though I don’t like Seth MacFarlane. Second time I saw the trailer I still laughed, however on this occasion I simply sat and watched, bored with the comedy on offer in need of much more intelligent laughs.

Would I watch it again?

Really?? No