TV Review: THE RIVER - Peaches 1.5

Ok, that’s it I’m officially board with The River, does anyone even watch this? I said in last weeks previews that The River bills itself as the most terrifying show on TV, and the preview seemed to back that up. That is at least until you watch “Peaches” and realise that nothing is going to scare you because you can see the story coming from a mile off. I’m at the stage now where I will watch The River’s final two episodes only to see what happened to Emmett Cole, other than that I’m really not interested so I’ll keep this review brief.

“Peaches” was the title and the episode took a slight Alcatraz / Person of Interest twist focusing on one individual, that was crew member Lena and Peaches was the nickname her father gave her. Her father was Emmett’s camera man and pretty much up until this point she is the only person who has cared about finding him. The previous episode “A Better Man” gave us a slight new angle introducing us to Jonas Emmett’s other camera man who did promise even if just a little to move the story on, it was Jonas this week who seemed to take an interest in Lena and actually bothered to find some footage of her
father for her to watch.

Considering this is such a short series, seven episodes, and considering the pace that it started with you would expect this show to be further on by now, maybe we can expect two very fast very revealing episodes to come. Weather that’s the case or not I really
don’t think they will be that interesting. I can’t see The River coming back for a second season, I think everyone including me was expecting just a little more from this show.

I would think in the next couple of weeks that we will find whatever this “Source” that Emmett was looking for is, if we do, that can be the only new angle that gets thrown into this show right now. If Kurt contacts whoever it is he speaks with on that satellite phone and they turn up things could get interesting. That’s providing it’s not actually Emmett himself that he is in contact with. Even then would you be interested? More twists and turns have been needed in this show and I think we will all forget about it very quickly.

What are your thoughts on The River? Do you enjoy the show? Do you feel like you have wasted five hours of you time so far? Do you think it will get any better? Let me know. I will watch the last two episodes as I said above and I have no doubt that the reviews will be similar in length to this one.

TV Review: THE RIVER - A Better Man 1.4

I thought this was supposed to be the most terrifying show on TV right now, seriously. In the last two episodes The River has only succeeded in boring me never mind scaring me, how about you? Were you expecting the most terrifying new show on TV to be like the Paranormal activity movies you have seen? I don't really have to much to say on this episode, I'll still watch the show and if I feel that something was particularly good or scary then I will put something down but don't expect to much effort.

I did laugh whilst watching "A Better Man", that was because of something that happened during the "Pilot", you know when they decided to travel down uncharted waters. That got them into all sort of problems and in "A Better Man" they decided to do exactly that again, do they really think that's a good idea after what happened last time? I mean you wouldn't would you? I also laughed at the local fruit seller on his river boat, what was he doing there? You would think with all the local legend and myth the locals would steer clear of that area even when they are not being disrespectful of local tribal culture.

In was the insulting of that local tribal culture that brought about the weeks main story and introduced us to Jonas. Jonas was the cameraman working for Emmett during his expedition. We bumped into him hanging from a tree just as the group had started serenading each other in song, you knew something , erm "scary" was going to happen once they started to sing and I'm not talking about their voices, although I wouldn't recommend any of them audition for the X Factor.

Jonas was under a local curse named "El Colgado", the hanging man. The tale was narrated to us through our usual source Jahel who usually no one listens to however, this week they did as security expert Kurt had also heard of this. The found footage was used well again to show us why Jonas had fallen foul of the local culture but it also showed that Emmett had warned him of his actions and on finding out what he had done he threw Jonas off the boat leaving him for dead in the jungle.

Emmett was searching for "The Source" and a "Magical Tribe", it would seem that forms the main part of The Rivers story as we also know that Kurt is reporting back to someone regarding "The Source". I guess that's all going to become apparent in the next few weeks, could we say that Kurt is in contact with Emmett and purposely steering the group in another direction? It would be an uncanny little twist. Kurt won the vote as leader of the boat but everyone knows it's Lincoln who they listen to, unless Jahel is telling a local tale. Lincoln's leadership on the boat was rubber stamped when the footage of Emmett was found and he said he regretted his decision to throw Ashton, sorry Jonas (Ashton Kutcher, anyone?) off his boat proving that Lincoln had made the right decision.

So, not scary but still ok I suppose. I can say the only reason I watch this show now is to see how it concludes, there are only three episodes left after all.

TV Review: THE RIVER 1.3 - Los Ciegos

Following the impressive two part opener I was really looking forward to seeing how The River was going to move on, other than Keifer Sutherland's Touch and Spartacus Vengeance this is the show which has impressed me most so far this year. Roll up "Los Ciegos" (The Blind) a disappointing and somewhat boring episode which neither felt here nor there. Don't get me wrong "Los Ciegos" did have it's good bits which I will discuss but, if you have come to The River looking for super scares then I'm afraid "Los Ciegos" simply won't provide them.

I still love the way The River is filmed from the first person point of view, to me switching from the main shows HD to the shaky hand held camera is what works so well adding to the suspense for those scary moments. "Los Ciegos" had all that again but not the pace which we had endured throughout the opening two hours. I find that at times I do have to remind myself that we are watching found footage.

"Los Ciegos" saw the crew continue there search for adventurer Dr Emmett Cole, having ran into some supernatural difficulties during their previous effort the crew would be hoping for a nice quiet ride the rest of the way. Unfortunately for them they ran into The Morcegos, a local tribe who protect the Jungle from selfish foreign visitors. The Morcegos blind their enemy and then observe them deciding weather or not they are worthy of seeing the Jungle and continuing their journey.

The Morcegos where admittedly creepy but, scary? Not so much, we got to see them quite early on in the episode which for me took away from any mystery. Weather The Morcegos were real or not is another question, it may be that they are so talked about in local myth that they have become real to people. The eyeless Morcegos were probably at their scariest whilst trying to break into Tess' room via the skylight.

I still think that Kurt is going to be one of the best characters, a mercenary hired as security for the team is clearly working on behalf of some mercenary group in order to find the "source", when he went blind he made a call via his (not so) secret satellite phone asking for an Extraction from the Jungle. I think it will be interesting to see where this story goes, who are the group? And what is the Source? I'm presuming that it's not the source of the Amazon river they are looking for.

So, to cap things off there really isn't that much I want to say about The River this week, it was good, just not as good as the two part opener. Of course I'm not going to let one episode put me off watching the show, it's just a short season with 5 episodes left so I will be back for more. I of course want answers to the shows biggest questions up to now, what happened to Emmett Cole and what "source" are they looking for? The River continues next week with "A Better Man".

TV Review: THE RIVER 1.1 & 1.2 - Magus & Marbeley

This was going to be the latest review of Alcatraz for you today but I was so impressed with the opening 2 hours of the River I just had to get it out first. Considering I'm not a fan of horror per Se, and that I have never seen a Paranormal Activity movie (the trailers even scare me) I was wondering just how much of the River I would be able to take. Turns out the show is incredibly scream out loud scary to the point where I'm thinking I would have to look away but, it's so gripping to, I couldn't turn it off and since Alcatraz has been so bitterly disappointing and we have to wait for Touch, ABC's The River will no doubt jump right to the top of the ratings.

The story focuses on the family of Dr Emmet Cole (Bruce Greenwood), an adventurer who has been missing in the Amazon for six months. The official search has been called off but his wife refuses to believe that he is dead, a thought that is helped by the fact that his tracking beacon has just been activated deep within the Amazon. The family are torn apart with son Lincoln (Joe Anderson) hardly speaking to his mother and notoriously never getting on with his father. Emmet's wife Tess (Leslie Cole) convinces her son that they should not give up the search for his father and they head off to the Amazon with a reality TV camera crew who want to capture the search for viewing pleasure, from there The River just gets creepier and creepier.

The show is filmed very much in the style of the Blair Witch Project, a movie I have never seen. I loved the way the camera worked, a move that show creator Oren Peli has been successful with in his Paranormal Activity movies. I also loved the way the show moved along at such a fast pace, you are never board. Although the first episode was more of us getting to know everyone I still found it very easy to get into and before you knew it they were in the Amazon, a journey which was going fine until they took a turn down some Uncharted waters which supposedly don't exist. It's a great mix between the drama which Lost delivered, whilst also managing to have you holding a pillow ready to hide behind in horror scenes which are as good as any movie I have seen.

There were two people in particular that I found very intriguing, people who are probably going to play a lot bigger part in the show, and rightly so as they clearly know a lot more about what may be going on than we or anyone on that boat does. Firstly the young South American girl Jahel (Paulina Gaitan), the daugher of the ships mechanic who also happens to be good at fixing boat engines herself. Jahel doesn't speak English although she does seem to understand it, the show uses subtitle's to keep us informed but don't worry that does not let up on suspense. From the moment they decided to turn onto unchartered waters Jahel said not to go there, when asked why the subtitle read "UNTRANSLATABLE", your thinking right off that's not good. Then you have Capt Kurt (Thomas Kretschmann), a private security guard hired by Tess to protect her and the crew, we saw him on a satellite phone to someone saying that if Emmet has discovered the source he will put him down. Again, that suggest that he knows what may be going on here, maybe Tess herself knows more than she is letting on, she did hire the guy after all.

Like I said above I'm no fan of horror movies, but the scenes here were very frightening . In particular the scene with all those dolls hanging from the tree's, it was fine until one of them turned it's head to look at Lincoln and the girl who will surely become his love interest Lena (Eloise Mumford), that whole sequence and the way it was filmed was very tense, that bit when the camera man was trying to get one of the dolls to blink and the one behind him closed it's eyes, yikes. You have to admit that's a little freaky, right?

What made me laugh a little was how much time the cast have spent in the water up to now, it's the Amazon, right? Aren't there like big ass crocodiles or alligators in there which eat people? Second to that you have Piranha fish, terrifying in numbers. And then isn't it the Amazon which has those little parasites which can swim up your manhood? I don't think I would be overly keen to get into the water, would you?

So, no I'm not a fan of horror but I do really like this show and I'm looking forward to seeing more. I would imagine that it's going to get scarier meaning that my reviews may get a little less, especially as I will be looking away from my TV most of the time, only kidding. A real good effort on all levels for me and I'll be watching the third episode "Los Ciegos" when it airs next week.